One of the biggest challenges for me and my eccentric (i.e. crappy) eating habits are my wife-mother-work schedule.  The ticker inside me is set to “15 minutes late,” so I’m constantly missing out on meals.  When I should be eating breakfast, I’m playing hide and seek with my son’s elusive tennis shoes.  When I should be eating lunch, I’m returning emails and trying to pick and eat the unburnt kernels out of a bag of microwave popcorn.  When I should be having a healthy snack, I’m digging through my purse for a lost Starlight mint.  And, when I should be eating dinner—I’m carpooling kids and huffing in the aroma of whatever I made them for dinner and praying like a pigeon that they drop a breadcrumb on the floor mat that I can snatch up at a stoplight.

With my new fruit and veggie challenge, I have had to do better or else continue to suffer the consequences between 8 pm and midnight.  If I wait until those hours to eat nine servings of foods that are primarily laced with fiber and water, I transform into to what I call a “blotation device” overnight.

So, today, I did something I’ve never before.  I stopped along the side of the road for a fruit break.  Of course, since fruit stands are not too plentiful in Idaho—I rolled into Albertsons to peruse their abundant produce section.   Normally, I’d stop at the Stinker Station (i.e. bizarrely named gas station based in Idaho) and graze their chip and candy section—and, then mosey over to the fizzy beverage section to pick up something to wash it all down (or eat it out of my gut like all good sugary acids do).  And, I’m not going to lie—I miss the sugary acid (a lot).  Luckily, when I am tempted, I kick into my 12-step recovery mode (or, if that does not work, I run into the Stinker bathroom, drop to my knees and pray to the Gods of abstinence).

But, today, I walked through Albertsons proud as a peacock. I walked right past the Pringles, the Valentine candy, the Pepsi, the Ruffles and those last little devils—the King Size Snicker bars at the checkout stand—and paid only for my pineapple, s bag of cherries and bottle of G2.

No breadcrumbs off the floorboards for me today, people!  I’m not a pigeon! I’m not a pigeon!!   (And, tonight I’m not bloatated!  I’m not bloatated!!)

Lame ending, I know. . .sure would be nice to have a Punchy Pepsi right now.  Hmmm.