O Should Know

Dear Ann Landers Archive

Many of my OShouldKnow fans/Facebook friends/Twitter buddies have asked that my Dear Ann Landers/Christian comments be archived somewhere.  So, here you go!

• Dear Ann: How is it that my son says he can’t pick up his socks because he is too tired, yet five minutes later he is lugging massive amounts of water from the bathroom to the family room to prepare for a “surprise” experiment (that is yet to be disclosed)???
• Dear Ann Landers:  My 5 yr old told me this weekend he WAS living here for the rest of his life, so I put a sign on his bedroom door that says “Check Out Time is 18 Years Old.”  Do you think I’m a bad mom?
• Dear Ann Landers: Geez. My 5 year old son leaves no stone unturned. He just found my deceased grandmother’s teeth in the back of my closet. He thinks they are so cool, he wants to take them to school for “sharing” tomorrow. Hmmm. Thoughts?
• Dear Ann Landers:  I asked my 5 year old today what his goals are for the New Year and without hesitation he listed out three:  1) Get more toys 2) Have more playdates 3) Eat more candy.  Sounds like I’m raising Willy Wonka this year. Hmmm.
• Dear Ann Landers: I caught my 5 year old son rinsing our toothbrushes in the toilet the other day. He said he thought he was being helpful and the water looks clean. Hmmm. Do you think I should tell the rest of the family or keep it a secret? I’m not sure even I wanted to know. . .
• Dear Ann Landers: My 5 year old son told me tonight that if I threw my ratty old night shirt in the trash, I’d get a lot more “night night kisses” from Daddy. Explains a lot. . .This weekend I’m going to have a good-bye ceremony for my oversized Iowa State t-shirt that I’ve had since 1986.
• Dear Ann: On the way home from school yesterday, my little guy asked me if I knew that it was the first day of Hanukkah. I said yes, and, then he proceeded to ask me where his Hanukkah gift was? I told him he wasn’t getting one because he wasn’t Jewish. He stoically replied that he “was a man of many of religions” …and that makes him eligible for a gift. The kid is no dummy. Bets on what he will be in 30 yrs?
• My five year old son just shot me in the rear end with a Nurf bullet. His comment, “Mommy, you make target practice super easy.” Hmmm. I think my decision to start marathon training again couldn’t be more timely.
• Dear Ann Landers: My 5 year old litte guy told me today he LOVES my new yummy perfume. I didn’t tell him it was hand sanitizer. I suppose I could save a lot of money: Bath & Bodyworks Pearberry sanitizer, 5 for $10 or Juicy Couture perfume, 1 for $98. Hmmm.
• Dear Ann Landers: My 5 year old was looking at ornaments of Jesus on the Christmas tree and declared that, “he was not sure Jesus is real.” So, he asked me if he could get that kids phone number. Uhmmm, do you think I’ve gone wrong somewhere? Later he followed up with, “I bet Jesus’ mother would let him eat cookies… for dinner.” And I said, “Why don’t we call him this week and find out.”
• Dear Ann Landers: My five year old wants a $389 Lego airport set for Christmas. I pulled it up online and showed him how expensive it is. He said, “That doesn’t matter Mom, because you know Santa makes all of his toys in his special shop at the North Pole.” Uhmmm, what do I say to that? I suppose Santa will be loo…king for a second job this holiday season??
• Dear Ann Landers: As we were going thru security and the airport and everybody else (including me) is grumbling about taking off their shoes, my 5 year old is asking the security guy if they will take his socks, too. Hmmmm. Who does that?
• Dear Ann Landers: My kindergarten son, Christian, announced today he was changing his name to Chris. I asked him why and he said it was because he could not fit his entire name on the turkey puppet they made in school today. What do you think? Hmmm.
• Dear Ann Landers: My five year old is in the other room apologizing to God and Jesus because my husband forgot to get AA batteries at Lowe’s for the manager scene. . .so that they and all of the other Christmas ornament characters could have a big party tonight. Thoughts?
• Dear Ann Landers: My five year old informed me that Santa is very visual learner. So, instead of just sending him a list this year, he’d probably need to produce a YouTube video to ensure Santa fully understands what he needs this year. Is that true? Is Santa really a visual learner? (PS. Does any one have Santa’s email?)
• Dear Ann Landers:  Last night I was “talking” to my son about not harassing his sister and he told me that, “He now knows why Daddy wears that big ear plug.”  Uhmm.  It’s a HEARING AID.  Help!
• Dear Ann Landers: My five year old came home from school yesterday with his shirt cut up. When asked how it happened, he said it was just “one of those things that happen to a kid during the regular course of day.” Should I be worried or pleased with his response?
• Dear Ann Landers:  Tonight my 5 year old told me he was going to “smoke up the house” to get into his Michael Jackson Zombie Mood. I guess I should have been more concerned becausethrowing 5 pounds of white flour through a big fan can do some damage.  Any idea how to clean this up?
• Dear Ann Landers: Last week my seemingly “empathetic” 5 year old son visited me on my sick bed and kindly proceeded to asked me if I needed anything. . . like some healthy chewing gum? I told him I didn’t think gum would help me get over the pneumonia. He said, “Yip, but mom-it sure would make your breath smell less sick.” I’m wondering if he really IS an empathetic kid after all. Hmmmm.
• Dear Ann Landers:  My kindergarten son just spent the last hour singing “Trailer Sniff” country music songs.  Do you know who he might be talking about?  He said its some girl with yellow hair who lives in the south. . maybe in Mexico. Hmmm.
• Dear Ann Landers: My 5 yr old told me tonight that he plans to learn to fly next week so he can travel all over the world – with Caldwell (Idaho) being his first destination. Do you think I should pop his “vision bubble” by telling him we can drive over there in 15 minutes?
• Dear Ann Landers:  My 5 yer old told me tonight that he was not going to be seen trick or treating with me if I “keep acting like this.”  I’m not sure what he means.  Do you think I’m the adult in this relationship?
• Dear Ann Landers: My 5 yr old spent last night experimenting with a giant blanket and a big fan trying to create a giant balloon. He said that if he can get it to work, he won’t be “chickening” out like that kid in Colorado.  Hmmm. If it works, do you think I should try and get some publicity out of this?
• Dear Ann Landers: My 5 yr old asked me if I’d ironed my underwear this morning.  When I asked him why, he said “mom, you are WAY too uptight for a Monday.”  Sheesh.  Do you think I need to relax?
• Dear Ann Landers:  My 5 yr old flushed an entire orange down the toilet, which caused a major clog and hours of work dismantling the entire unit. When asked why he did it he said, “He was trying to feed all of the hungry children in China.”  His heart was in the right place. Should he be in trouble?  Help!
• Dear Ann Landers: My 5 yr old asked me today what car he’d be driving when he was 16. I told him it would be the same minivan we were driving right now. He said he’d rather ride a giant goat. Should I get that in writing?
• Dear Ann Landers: My kindergarten son told me today that things aren’t working out with his girlfriend at school and asked if I could get him “match.com” access tonight? Too much TV? Help!
• Dear Ann Landers: My kindergartner told me this morning the reason he doesn’t want to go to school anymore is so he can travel. Help!
• Dear Ann Landers: OK. I might have told my 5 yr old son that my job while he is in school is a super hero. My job is just too complicated to explain, so I went that route. Now he’s asking me to prove it, so I told him I’d scale down the side of our 2-story house this weekend. I’ve never done that before. Any tips?